I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
