How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
