Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. Go after that dick
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize