He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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