Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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