i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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