pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
