We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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