Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
