i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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