I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
