If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
