i'm signing you up for texting rehab
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
