Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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