Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
