It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
