he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
