Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
