I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
