I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
