k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
