This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
