Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The uberlube is also flammable
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
