i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Two words: nipple clamps
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