It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
