so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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