So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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