3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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