I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
