i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
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