Sorry, I don't speak sober.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
