yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
