I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
a search helicopter?!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize