dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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