I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
