Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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