U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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