so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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