Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
