my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
