garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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