Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
