I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
