Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
