haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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