I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
