Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
