I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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