Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
