I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I can text with my tongue
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
