she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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