then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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