bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
