oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
