: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
