I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
