i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
