Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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