Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
