Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
